


white lie

by summerson



Series: know that I'm with you the only way that I can be [1]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Catra (She-Ra) Redemption, Character Death, F/F, I don't know how this happened I started out with such good intentions I swear, Magicats, POV Catra (She-Ra), Sad times, catradora, everything I touch turns to angsssssstttttt!!!!!, magicat culture, the magicats are a desert people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2021-01-29 08:20:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21407098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summerson/pseuds/summerson
Summary: “Just…just keep going. I’m here.” Adora shudders to a halt and leans in on the arm that’s pegged up against a boulder to help prop her up. Loose hair from her half up, half down cascading down her shoulders. Her frame rising and falling with visible effort.
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Series: know that I'm with you the only way that I can be [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1574200
Comments: 28
Kudos: 161





	white lie

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally part of a larger story where I play with magicat culture and the like! Let me know in the comments if you want more and I'll throw up the larger story that'll act as the main story for this 'prequel.'

“Come on - come on, almost there.”

Catra bounds ahead as far as she dares, taking careful strides to make sure she keeps Adora in her peripheral sight. Never straying too far ahead as to let her disappear from her careful view. She inclines her head up to the rise of the next switchback, mouth open to scent the air. A strong earthy and copper aroma meeting her tongue and scent glands, sour and overwhelming as they climb higher and higher up the mountainside. It's a completely overwhelming smell that screws her mouth in distaste. But somewhere hidden in the midst of it…the sea sharp bite of the ocean reefs. Mermista. They were close to the princesses. Close to the safe point. Close.

Adora doesn’t reply right away. Just breathes through her mouth, ragged and stilted as she grabs at her bruising side with one arm. The other working tirelessly to help her scrabble up the mountainside hands and feet.

“Just…just keep going. I’m here.” Adora shudders to a halt and leans on the arm that’s pegged up against a boulder to help prop her up. Loose hair from her half up, half down cascading down her shoulders. Her frame rising and falling with visible effort.

Catra’s at her side quick and easy, rounding behind her and nuzzling her head underneath Adora’s right underside to pull the arc of her arm over her neck. Leaning in close and supportive as she intends to shoulder the brunt of Adora’s bad side up the length of their trek. That is until Adora gives her a sharp and jarring shove to the side, already trudging ahead with wide strides. Head down and expression hidden behind a curtain of hair.

Catra’s lips screw and she snarls to keep the hurt from eyes. She turns her head to the side, quick and sharp. Afraid of what Adora might insinuate while her voice threatened to tremble the way it wobbled in her throat. She breathes through her nose then. The scent of the fires and billowing smoke tails rising from below - traveling on the updraft towards them on the rocky cliffside. Looking down at it from up here Catra observes the carnage of the battlefield, the sky and earth painted and splattered red in the fade of a brilliant scarring sunset. The horde flags fluttering and tarnished as the beat and batter of the breeze buffet them windward. Traces of the fighting still pulsing and echoing even far up here on the mountains of BrightMoon. And in the center of it all, castle Bright Moon, all but crumbling ruins of the palace set alight like a bonfire that blazes up up up into the evening light. Catra grits her teeth and clenches her eyes as she seethes her frustration.

“I’m sorry. Ok?”

Adora comes to a wavering slow halt. Ten or so paces up and ahead of Catra where she can still hear her but can’t clearly see. Can’t easily touch. Be close. Catra tells herself it doesn’t hurt.

“I’m sorry.” She flexes her claws subconsciously and reopens her eyes. The overriding Prime armada descending from above. “I know you wanted to stay. To go through with your -“ Catra’s voice catches. “Plan.” The engines of Horde Prime's airships thrum in harmony above them.

Catra takes in a breath and turns to face full front Adora’s wrath and anger. She could take it. She’d always been able to take Adora. And over something like this, she’d do it willingly. “But it was stupid.” She bites. “It was stupid. And reckless. And pointless. And destructive. And-“ and her voice cracks but she keeps going. Because she was _going_ to get this through Adora’s thick idiot skull.

“And illogical. And wasteful.” Catra feels the heat prickle and bares her fangs to it even though it’s well and truly out of her control now.

“And in all complete fucking honesty selfish! You know that right? It was selfish.” Catra lays it flat out and simple at Adora’s feet. Adora who still refuses to turn around and fucking look at her. And it just makes Catra dig in her heels deeper.

“You said it would be different, remember? You said we would look out for each other this time. That we wouldn’t fuck it up this time.” Catra takes a wobbly step forward. “And then you went and called that meeting - the meeting you didn’t even _notify_ me about.” Another step forward. Another tear in her heart. “And proposed a _fucking_ suicide mission!”

The thought of it - memories of a spiraling portal and worlds unknown tearing into the fabric of space and time haunts her. Imagining Adora. Horde Prime. The portal. And an endless world without stars…no planet to lay foot to. No atmosphere to draw breath with. Just deep voidless existence and the embrace of sleep...

Somewhere in the back of her brain she registers the river run tear tracks down her cheeks. Matting her fur sticky and wet. She lets it burn her eyes till she thinks they may bleed. “And then you have the nerve to act like _I’m_ the asshole! Just because I’m trying to hold up my end of the bargain.”

Adora’s back straightens a little. Evens out and unrolls to a standing position where her hips can lock and she can stand properly on her own. The side of her face just out of sight in the cast of engine fire glow below. Catra growls through the hiccups in her chest.

“You said - you _promised_ you wouldn’t leave again! That we’d go together! And then you went and tried to do it again! You’re always leaving Adora!” She crying in earnest now and she doesn’t even care. Not when Adora still won’t turn around and just - _look_ at her! “I did - horrible things. I know that now, ok?” And it tears into Catra’s chest and makes her head and bones ache. Makes her want to fall at Adora’s feet and tear her heart bloody and broken so Adora can just put it back together or throw it off the godamn mountain if she wanted to. Anything to repent.

…

“But I…I’m trying to fix it. If you just let me help you fix it-“

“Catra,”

Catra’s stream of blabbering cuts off abruptly and she looks up from her claws which are digging deep into her palms and shaking with - fury? Betrayal? Hurt? She doesn’t know. But it doesn’t matter. Because Adora’s finally turned around to face her. Standing up a length away and hair blowing in the wind. She’s banged up and there’s a bruise blossoming on her left underjaw from the butt of some Horde blaster but…she’s whole. And here. And Catra doesn’t care about the lecture about heroism and responsibility and bullshit about to rage and ravage her because it was worth it. To have Adora angry and indignant and _alive_. It was worth it.

But it never comes.

Adora’s voice is tin hollow and emotionless as she stares Catra down from above. And it breaks and cracks her in two. “I’m here. We need to meet up with the others.”

The grey of Adora’s eyes lingers on her a moment, panting from the emotions and feelings still burning through her, dancing over and up to her eyes where they hold for less than a half second. Less than a half second where Catra just knits her eyes and lets the tears swell and shine so that maybe she can finally talk to Adora in a way that she can hear her. Willing with all her emotion and fiber that Adora understand.

But Adora’s turned and on the rise again just like that leaving Catra in two broken halves on the mountainside. Breathing and still trembling from the shockwaves pulsing through her ribs and hollowed out chest. She sniffs and watches Adora trail further and further away up the trail towards the rest of the alliance. Flickers her eyes to the side to oversee the approach of another Horde regiment on the blazing kingdom below. She would fix this. Mounting the next slope with determination after Adora’s waning trail. She would fix this.

__________

Mermista is there waiting when they finally reach the cusp of mountain. Panting and weary as they haul that final step over the rise and bend over to rake in half shallow breaths. Adora, who’s still bracing her side stumbles over to a boulder and braces a tarnished forearm against the rock surface to lean against. Catra stops herself short and keeps her feet in place and hands at her side. Sullenly planting herself to one solid sordid spot as she overlooks Adora and listens to her ragged wheezy breathing.

Her eyes spark when she recognizes Scorpia, who’s a few feet off juggling a number of blankets piled high in her arms. Blue stitched and repurposed horde blankets meant for the leagues of refugees milling about on the rise. Catra gives Adora a cursory glance before jaunting over to the princess. “Scorpia, hey.”

“Wildcat!” The blankets explode in a wide explosion of fabric and cloth as Scorpia throws them up in happy surprise and bounds towards her. Enveloping her in a tight full bodied hug. Reflexively, she cringes, but does her best to bring a half hearted hand up to her back and offer an awkward pat. “You finally made it!”

Catra chuckles a little dry and bemused. “Yeah. Yeah, we made it. Is Sparkles here yet?”

Scorpia retreats back and turns her face to overlook the burning sky. “Not yet, she’s still teleporting the last of the refugees out. But this last one should be the final trip. We’re moving out soon.”

Catra hums and overlooks the mass of people. Now homeless. A whole kingdom…but it’s not like they were the only ones.

Catra frowns. “Not all of Perfuma’s people made it to the Crimson Waste…” she raises her eyes up to the long stretch of mountain ranges pulled and stretched out across the horizon. “And they didn’t have an entire mountain pass in between to travel across.” Her eyes darken as she tries to calculate the likely casualties. The food stores. The time it would take…

She’s roused by a sturdy claw to her shoulder and Scorpia’s gentle voice. “Mermista and Frosta are working on the logistics of an ice bridge right now. There’s still hope.”

Catra’s ears flatten and press hard against her scalp. But…it was better than nothing. “You’re right.” She turns back to Adora who’s still standing upright despite the waver in her posture. Hunched over a little and wobbling as she overlooks the kingdom of Bright Moon go up in flames. Catra’s eyes narrow and she looks back up to Scorpia before giving her claw a reassuring squeeze and departing.

“Adora.”

Adora doesn’t respond as Catra approaches. Just keeps staring ahead at the horizon, a little misty eyed and sullen against the grain. Catra’s eyes flicker in between Adora’s line of sight and the crumbling bits left of Bright Moon. Chews her lips and tries her best to find the right words to say. She didn’t…she knew Adora had made a home out of Bright Moon and it’s people. Knew how much she cared. But…but it’s about now when she should expect a stirring call to action or rallying speech. Or - she doesn’t know. Something. But she’s just - staring. At the horizon.

“Hey.”

Adora doesn’t speak. And that was ok. Catra could speak enough for the both of them right now.

“Scorpia says Sparkles is on the way with the last refugees. They’re talking about making an ice bridge to the Wastes.”

The muscles in Adora’s cheek twitch slightly. The smooth plane of her face flickering as the sun begins to set and the sky begins to gradually pale and darken. She can’t discern any stars yet but if they wait just a bit longer she knows they’ll litter the sky.

“I’m sure Perfuma’s people will be happy for the company. I know Huntara is like - ha,” Catra chuckles humorlessly and thin into the air. “Your hero and everything, but I don’t think the petal people and criminals mix very well…”

Adora just stares ahead. And all Catra wants to do is nuzzle close and purr into Adora’s neckline. But she doesn’t. Just keeps her allowed distance and curls her tail around Adora’s dangling wrist. Limp and loose in case Adora wants to pull away again.

“Adora?”

…

“Please say something.”

…

Catra sighs. She supposes…that was fair. “At least come to the medical tent? I’m worried about this-“ Catra reaches out to Adora's purpling ribs only to be cut off short as the other girl latches onto her wrist. Grasped gentle and trembling as Adora brings it up to her face and Catra's fingers up to her lips. Catra’s eyes crease and she wills all her emotion towards Adora in some effort of useless useless support.

“Hey…it’ll…it’ll be alright.” She tries. "I spoke with S'ya. The magicats are stretched pretty thin but they can make room for one more kingdom." But Adora just stands there and Catra - Catra’s not really sure what to do to be honest. Not with this dejected and sullen Adora who doesn’t have enough fire to bite back or enough heart to even look at her. It's - out of character...

Catra brings her other hand to wrap around Adora’s waist. Hand resting lightly at the curve and burning slow small circles where she used to do in their Bunk back in the Fright Zone.

“We’re both here, right? Nothing bad can happen as long as we have each other.-“

“Catra.”

Adora’s voice is wiry and thin. And so so dishearented. Had Catra - had she broken something? She raises the hand at Adora’s side to the edge of her ear where she can move the hair out of her eyes. Bring her face to raise up and look at her - _please look at me_. And Adora does. And the tears are welling and just on the verge of a deluge and Catra’s honestly taken aback. Because they aren’t horror stricken or angry or anything she was expecting, because they’re - she doesn’t understand.

“Adora, what-?” Cuts off as she leans in and tries to breathe in her scent.-

“Catra, listen to me.” But Catra’s already leaning in closer. Eyes gone a bit wide and bit scared as she searches. Rakes across Adora’s facial features and categorizes each one. “Listen.” Adora grasps one of Catra’s hands now buried into the side of her head, her hair, fist squeezing and gripping just on the far side of painful. Adora’s hand soothes it out and uncurls Catra’s fingers with delicate gentle touches.

But Catra’s spine is going rigid. And the claws of her feet are digging into the dirt as she braces against - against?

“Adora?”

Cross checking hasty and rapid as Adora smooths the palm of her hand against her cheek as she stares back into her eyes with remorse and sorrowful regret.

“It was never personal, kitten.”

Catra’s spine goes ramrod straight as a bolt of lighting lances through her. Because underneath all the copper rust blood and the tangy iron scent, underneath the dirt and the grime and the metal and the bullets and fire and smoke. Underneath all of it. She couldn’t scent her. She couldn’t - what?

“I’m so sorry.”

And Catra - she’s got both hands in Adora’s hair and cradling it as gently as she dares with her claws flexing in anxiety and her eyes dilating with fear and panic as she keeps searching. Keeps searching for the lie that has to be buried in the lines of her face. The curve of her brow. But -…she can’t smell her.

Catra jerks up. Stares round eyed in the direction of Bright Moon. At the encroaching armada and the sky ships still hovering and metal propellers and tanks. Metal and blood and bile and - and she’s stumbling forward. Leaving Adora’s sorrowful face behind her as she scrabbles forward and up. Breathing hard and panicked even as Scorpia calls out her name from behind her and the telltale flash and buzz of Glimmer’s teleport magic thrums in the air. Because all Catra’s eyes are fixed on is the horizon. And the sky, where the stars are finally beginning to twinkle and blink in earnest down on them. Bright and gleaming in milky way folds and dust.

Nothing like the empty galaxy of Despondos.

Despondos.

“Adora-!”

Catra goes crashing to the ground and dirt and rocks. A welting bruise already blossoming on the underside of her chin when Adora’s body tackles her into the gravel and stone. Her body pressing down into hers on the floor and solid foreign arms wrap tight around her shoulders. Tight and close and hot in a way that feels more like an embrace than a lock hold as she groans and struggles and strains to push herself back up. Straining against the pull and tightness of her leg muscles. _Get up get up Get UP!_ The scrape of her flailing and kicking and desperate clawing sounding up to her ear as she lifts her head. _She needs you_. A shout ripping from her throat - unashamedly _feral_ as she kicks out with the claws on her feet.

“_I’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorry-_“

But all Catra can remember what to do in that moment is scratch and claw. “_Please! I - just -!_”

The explosion rips with a force and magnitude that makes her eyes burn. But Catra knows it’s just the tears.

.

.

**.**

**.**

**.**

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone confused on what Adora's plan was. It was to basically send Horde Prime and his army into Despondos. But much like the Angella situation Adora needed to enter the portal and close it from the other side to ensure the portal would close afterwards. 
> 
> Please comment freely and constructively. Feedback, both positive and critical, helps more than you know. Remember to drop in and read again every once in a while. I tend to come back and edit/add small changes 2-3 days after posting (because for some reason my proof reading and editing skills don't fully activate unless I've already hit post ???)


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